Choices

My mind has been just stuck on choices lately.  We have choices and make choices and suffer the consequences of our choices everyday.  I really am just stuck on the thought that I can choose, I am allowed to make these choices.  Maybe it is the time I spent from November 2006 until November 2009 on the Healthy Living Program, being told what to eat and how much, and replace whole milk with reduced fat and eat turkey and lean chicken in place of steaks and real bacon.  I have been eating the way I want since August 2009, I have been making the right choices the majority of the time, so why now?  What has spurred this idea that I can choose this?

Part of it was the holidays, as I mentioned, eating cookies and candy.  Eating chips and things made with pastry.  I didn't feel terrible, I don't have a bad physical reaction like some people do.  I didn't feel as well as I normally do though, and my belly was bloated, even though it didn't feel like it.  At any rate, I could feel it wasn't quite right.  I could tell that if I kept it up I would lose my good health, and that is the farthest thing from what I want in life.  So, I realized it is a choice.  I think before now it wasn't.  Before this new realization, I was doing it so I could keep my job.  I was doing it to get my waist small enough to pass my fitness test.  Yes, it was to be healthy, but if I chose anything else I would fail my test.  Now, it has been almost a year since I passed that fitness test after all those years.  Now?  Now, I can pass my fitness test even if I can't run or do any push-ups or sit-ups at all.  It won't be a pretty score, but I can do it.  My 34 inch waist has afforded me that.

I think that is why now it is a choice.  Now, I could eat those foods that I currently avoid.  If I ate them in moderation I wouldn't gain a lot of weight.  I am one of those people that gets stuck at a specific weight for a long time.  So I could have sandwiches if I wanted, or slices of pizza or bowls of pasta.  But, the thing is I don't want them.  Not often enough for it to matter.  There is no Vinnie's or Dusal's here.  There are no delicious eggplant parm subs, or real cheesesteaks.  There is no reason to waste my health on Pizza hut, or Taco Bell.  We do have a decent Tex-Mex place, but am I going to drive 30 minutes on a regular basis for some burritos?  Probably not, and even if we do go there they have a delicious lengua dish that I can get without the tortilla, and chalk the beans up to my 20%.  See how easy that choice is?  Drive past Taco Bell to the good place and fill my belly with wonderful meat.  Doesn't seem too hard to me.

I told a friend tonight about how I might deal with pasta.  A bowl of grilled veggies, all things I like.  Asparagus, zucchini, eggplant, mushrooms, onions and maybe some peppers.  Top that with sauce, some cheese and sausage or meatballs.  A bowl of yum is what I am thinking.  Pasta?  Who needs it.  Nutritionally, the veggies give me more bang for my buck!

Wow, that totally wasn't were I was going with this.

But, I need to say what my choice is right now.  Right now I am faced with the choice to weigh some fraction of 158 pounds or not on Monday.  I am choosing NOT to weigh any portion of 158.  I don't want to weigh the 158.5 I weighed on Thursday.  I don't want to weigh; 158, 158.1, 158.2, 158.3, 158.4, 158.5, 158.6, 158.7, 158.8, 158.9.  I don't want to weigh any of those.

So where is the choice you ask?  I can achieve this goal two ways, or not achieve it.  I can choose to eat and drink whatever I want right?  I am a big girl and it is MY life and MY health and MY waist measurement.  So, how can I choose?  I can choose to do what I do every weekend.  I can choose to have a few drinks (of the adult variety) with my friends.  I can choose to let myself justify a few chips, or a piece of pizza, or a bite of a brownie (or whatever other treats happen to appear on the weekends).  I can choose any of those, and in doing so achieve my goal.  Wait?  Didn't I just say I didn't want to weigh any part of 158?  Yup, and if I make THOSE choices, I won't weigh 158 on Monday.  Goal achieved when I step on the scale and weigh 159, or even 160.  But, will that choice make me happy?

HELL no!

So, my other option is to do nothing, then I fail at my goal.

And the third option, is I remember that this is life.  This is my lifestyle, and I need to live everyday the way that makes me feel good, and the way that I am happy.  Enter bacon, it makes me happy.  And eggs, with cheese, oh and tomatoes.  Eggs with grilled tomatoes, yum!  Come on tea, with a dollop of coconut milk.  Oh, and steak you can come to my party too!  If those are the choices I make, I am almost 100% guaranteed to achieve my goal.  Maybe it will be 157.9, but that would be success!

So, what choice do YOU think I will make?

I suppose, only time will tell.


**disclaimer:  I will not consider myself a failure if I chose to eat right, and still don't get below 158.  I do understand that sometimes it isn't 100% in our control.  And I am okay with that, as long as I know I did take care of the things that *I* have control over.